It’s Time to Transform
Phoenix II, Kristen Fagan, Acrylic on Canvas, 24″x24″, 2015
The Phoenix is a mythical bird that consumes itself in flames to be reborn new from its ashes. The Phoenix is the symbol of the transformation of human consciousness and our creative spirit that we must undergo to create what we desire.
I have been running in many different directions for what feels like forever. The holidays and the rush of work and play that come with them feel like yesterday when in fact I should be fully decompressed from that by now. My new years life + biz reflecting and goal setting should be planting new seeds of creation when in fact I have yet to even hit publish on my intentions. In January, I took off on family trip for my godson’s baptism followed immediately by two work trips (one with my work and one with my husband’s work). I felt good, inspired and ready to tackle my intentions, my artwork, my well being when I returned from my travels when in fact I have done none of those things.
Instead, I have been caring for our family, our home, figuring out where everyone else is at this moment and what kind of support they need from me to be their very best. All noble, worthy things of course. In addition, my youngest son had urology surgery last week (he is doing great) and my oldest son had a medical issue the day after my other son’s surgery that required drs, an emergency room visit and an ultrasound last week (he is well now). It was a scary and stressful few days. I am very grateful that everyone is healthy and on the mend.
I am however, feeling all my to do’s, should haves, obligations and soul yearnings hit me at once. I am cranky. I am run-down. I am detached. I feel heavy, out of balance, undernourished (ironically, nourish is my word of the year), exhausted and depleted. I am now the one needing support. It’s time to transform and create what I desire and that means standing up for the precious time I have to call my own. I need to give myself some structure and space to allow dreams to happen!