Soul Musings

While on a trip home to New York this past Fall to visit family and meet my newest member, my adorable nephew Joseph Liam, I took a train ride to NYC for an art date at the Modern Museum of Art. Swoon. It was a beautiful day. I love walking around a museum. Although, I love having company when I go out on the town, I also love going it alone.  I went to college in NYC and one of my favorite things to do was just wander around on my own, being inspired and surprised by what I saw. I miss that and felt so blessed to have a day to myself to wander in a city I love.

It is amazing to see so many iconic artworks and famous artists in one place. I thought I would be there a couple hours and explored other parts of the city but, I ended up staying there all day and honestly could have stayed longer. Here are some pictures of my time at MoMA.

Top Left to Right: Henri Matisse, Henri Mattisse, Piet Mondrian, Pablo Picasso, Frida Kahlo, Pablo Picasso, Joan Miro, Mark Rothko, Vasily Kandinsky.

Me and Claude Monet.

I stumbled into the exhibit The Paris of Toulouse – Lautrec: Prints and Posters. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec (1864–1901) brought the language of the late-19th-century avant-garde to the public through his famous posters, prints, and illustrations for journals and magazines.  His work shows many facets of Parisian life, from politics to culture and the popular entertainment in the form of cabarets and café-concerts. This is the first MoMA exhibition in 30 years dedicated solely to Lautrec, and features over 100 examples of the best-known works created during the apex of his career. I love the color schemes and expression in his illustrations.

While there, I had the pleasure of seeing the Henri Matisse: The Cut-Outs – the largest and most extensive presentation of the artist’s cut-outs ever assembled. I went to the museum specifically to see this exhibit.

[Installation view of “Henri Matisse: The Cut-Outs” at The Museum of Modern Art, New York (October 12, 2014-February 8, 2015). Photo by Jonathan Muzikar. © 2014 The Museum of Modern Art]

I have always admired Matisse’s eye for pattern and color in his painting but, in all honesty the cut outs didn’t move me as much. That said, I knew it was a rare chance to see it and for me to be in NY while it was there it would be a shame to miss it. Well, seeing it in person makes all the difference. They are beautiful and playful works created during a difficult time in his life. The size and shear volume of work is captivating. The shapes, pin holes and colors are wonderful. As are the videos they have compiled about his work, his process and the tedious process of restoring the swimming spool.  Go see it if you can! It’s on exhibit through February 10, 2015. http://www.moma.org/

“Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” ~Lama Yeshe

When you are juggling all that life throws your way it’s inevitable that you will some times “drop the ball”. That is what happened on the home front earlier this month. Without going into into the details, I’ll just say that I hyper focused in one area of my child’s life leaving another area totally unaccounted for. I didn’t cross my t’s and dot my i’s. I didn’t have something that is a pretty big deal all neatly squared away. Instead, I dropped the ball. I left a task unattended that created a lot of stress. I realized the error of my ways on a Sunday and I wasn’t able to do anything about it because it was a Sunday. I had to wait until Monday to tackle the issue. This created an avalanche of anxiety over the worst case scenario. I was a complete wreck. I cried, I stressed and I talked to myself really badly. “How I can I be so stupid?” “Why didn’t I follow up” “What kind of parent am I?” and on and on. For HOURS this went on. Even when rationally I knew nothing could be done about it I continued to berate myself, question my worth as a parent and feel incredibly sad and depressed. I tried multiple times practice being kind to myself. I am only human. Just an imperfect person who makes mistakes. Still I couldn’t shake the “terrible person, awful parent” feeling of having to possible disappoint my child in a way I didn’t intend to.

In the end it all worked out. I had some things to take care that put things on the right path. I had my husband on my side helping in every way he could to set things right. He was (as he always is) my rock. He gets to the heart of the issue and helps things happen whenever I am paralyzed by fear and doubt and pity. I dropped the ball. I am going to do that some times. I have to let it be okay and trust that all will be fine. I don’t know why when things go wrong I rip myself to shreds. I’m sure it’s a pretty common phenomenon but, where did we learn that tearing ourselves down makes any sense in fixing the issue? Learning to be nicer to myself is a work in progress. I clearly need to nurture self-kindness. Taking a moment to change how I speak to myself, journaling to help get out of my head and meditating to are all ways I can try the next time I breakdown, because there is always a next time.

Looking for ways to practice self-kindness? I found an awesome article and guided meditations to help.

40 Way to Practice Self-Kindness

Guided Self-Compassion Meditations by Kristin Neff, author of the book “Self-Compassion”.

This weekend, I celebrated my birthday with Bert and the boys. Last week was the first week of having both kids back to school. With the boys going to two different schools, a new work schedule for me, trying to make more home cooked dinner and packing lunches every evening I was wiped out by my birthday on Friday. I woke up a little cranky and blah, and the day went a bit awry. I kind of wished instead of working for the day, I would have planned a pedicure or lunch date for myself. Ah, well. I perked up after work and was pleasantly surprised when my birthday gift from Bert arrived early from Zappos. I wasn’t expecting it until next week. I opened the box with excitement to find men’s boots instead of my new pair of Birkenstocks. Luckily, Zappos is awesome. They apologized, got the right shoes in the mail and offered me a nice sized coupon to use on a future purchase – I already took advantage and ordered something I’ve wanted for awhile, a coffee grinder. By the way, when did Zappos begin carrying so much stuff?! After picking the kids up from school we stopped at Sprouts and I thought getting myself some flowers would be awesome. The boys picked out a beautiful white orchid plant. We headed home and when I walked in the door, I saw a huge purple and yellow orchid plant on the table. I was floored. Bert had the same idea! I couldn’t help but laugh. Now I have an beautiful purple orchid plant in the kitchen and the white one I bought myself in my studio. I wasn’t feeling up to going out to dinner so, we ordered pizza. It was delicious as always but unfortunately it left me super bloated and my stomach hurt for the rest of the night. Bert picked up a rich luscious dark chocolate and raspberry cake that looked delicious but, I couldn’t eat it that night. The kids didn’t like it at all so, not much was eaten Friday. I sure enjoyed it for breakfast on Saturday though! Bert is such a great sport. He tried so hard to give me a perfect day but, at every turn something went awry. It was however, a beautifully imperfect birthday.

Lucky for me, I got a whole weekend to celebrate! I felt like I needed to get my nature fix so, we decided to drive north and visit one of my favorite spots near Payson – the Tonto Natural Bridge. There is something so special about this little gem of a place. We had a wonderful time hanging in the cool mist of the waterfall in the cavern under the bridge. Afterwards we had an early dinner in at a local diner and headed home. We were listening to the Grateful Dead on the drive home and “So Many Roads” came on. I love road trips, driving and taking in the scenery that surrounds always eases my soul. It was such a wonderful day.

Today, I got a chance to thrift shop and buy supplies for an art project I’m working on and then I relaxed at home. A little resting, reading and cleaning getting ready for a new week. Thank you for all the wishes of happiness for my birthday via texts, calls and social media! You guys sure know how to make a girl feel loved!!! I’m blessed to have so many wonderful and caring people in my life. I am looking forward to year filled with happiness, abundance, creativity and more imperfectly perfect moments!