Soul Musings

Lotus rising from the mud – created during Whitney Freya’s painting meditation.

This week I was rejected. Well, that’s not entirely true but, my artwork was and that’s pretty much the same thing. It wasn’t a flat out “we don’t want you” kind of rejection but, let’s face it, it doesn’t sting any less. A no is a no. It happens to us all at one time or another but, it’s still painful. I was disappointed, hurt, maybe a little angry. Rejection. It’s what we all fear. It’s what stops us in our tracks when we contemplate putting ourselves out there. So, what did I do?

I reached out to my husband and one of my besties to share in my sadness – misery loves company, right? I cried and moped around for the larger part of the day. I may have had a few handfuls of chocolate chips. I allowed myself to feel the pain. After a little bit, I pulled myself together and submitted my work to another show as well as jotted down some ideas for a themed show I’d also like to submit too. I got right back on the horse so to speak. I listened to Flying Leap! Lori Portka and Liv Lane’s free audio class about fear and finding your purpose. I purchased their book Infinite Purpose directly after. Divine timing.

Once the kids were in bed for the night I decided the best thing to do was give myself some space and paint. I have been listening to a painting meditation series with Whitney Freya on and off since January and that felt like the perfect medicine and you know what, it totally was. I listened to the meditative music, moved watercolors around on paper and I felt lighter, more connected to my soul and began to shed the sadness from earlier in the day.

Art heals. It’s why I create. At the very core of what pulls me in is the desire to feel that direct access to my heart through my intuitive mind, eyes and hands. Art is not what you make, it’s who you are. It’s who I am.

I let my feelings simmer for a couple days after my rejection and then replied. I was grateful they took the time to look over my work. I also wanted to ask a question. The response mentioned that my style was similar to other artists already scheduled and that stuck with me. You don’t want to hear that your work looks like everyone else’s and it’s tough to look at your own work with a critical eye. I wanted to know more. What was it that made my work feel similar to others? I wanted to be able to see my work through a different lens. I may or may not change my work based on the opinion but, I wanted the opportunity to sit with it and let it simmer. I have not heard back yet but, hope that I do.

Soul purpose sometimes doesn’t make sense. It isn’t romantic and doesn’t necessarily work the way you think it should. Soul purpose is about growth. It is about you showing up bigger than you ever have before. It is about you stretching in sometimes uncomfortable ways. ~ Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici

I know I need to show up more and do my souls work. I am leaning into the idea of daily practice and what that may look like. The desire to be authentically me is overwhelming and paralyzing at times. I look at this as a lesson of growth. My voice is a result of dedicated practice and that is something I need to make time for.

Rejection. It is a catalyst. It is something that pushes us, makes us uncomfortable and can break us if we let it. Don’t let it. Move through the hurt and find your strength. You are not the sum of what people think. You are so much more. Believe in your worth. Believe in your gifts. Believe in YOU.

Photo by Kerry Burki and Kimberly Kling. Art by Kristen Fagan

Issue #2 of KERRY Magazine will be sent to her email subscribers this week. Get on Kerry’s email list at kerryburki.com to receive your copy. 

Sneak peak at Kerry’s photo shoot for the second issue of her magazine. Recognize anyone – haha, we were having too much fun! I am blessed to have met these women. This issue is healing, therapeutic, unique and engaging. I am so excited to be a part of it.

KERRY Magazine is a dream project by Kerry Burki, who is an inspirational a catalyst for positive change. It’s a digital magazine that uses real women as models, supports small businesses, encourages you to feel beautiful as you are right now.

Happy New Year Friends!!! Thank you for an amazing 2015. I haven’t had a chance to process it all yet. I will be working in Leonie Dawson’s Shining Workbook this month and once I release my 2015 it will really come into focus what transpired. I know it was a big, transformative year. I know this because I have been in hibernation resting from it all. I have slept for 12 hrs on at least three different occasions within the last two weeks. I have taken the kids school “winter break” quite literally, ha! In addition to all the sleep, I have been binge watching movies with the family and reading so, even when I’m awake there has been a lot of down time relaxing. It has been healing.

Of course, I felt the “should’s” creep up. I should be getting things done; do my workbooks, clean the garage, take the kids to see snow, work on a new jewelry idea, get my artwork updated online, get outside and the list goes on. All those “should’s” are compelling and worth making time for but, I had to shoo those thoughts away and remind myself that rest was work too. A different kind of work … soul work. There is no shame in giving in to your need for rest and recuperation. When the need within being is strong, it’s important to listen. The creative muse often shows up demanding attention, energy and time in anyway possible followed by a quiet stillness. It’s okay to enjoy both, the yin and the yang.

Fittingly, I was treated to an online yin yoga session this week. It was an offering in the Woman Unleashed online retreat. And today, I had the pleasure of exploring painting with intuition (my fav) with Alena Hennessy. We created “I am …” artwork.

I am devoted. I love that. I have never had that word show up for me before. After I was done, I thought about my devotion and how it applies to my life. I am devoted … to my creative life, my art, my loves and my tribe (that includes you!) Wishing you a new year filled with love and devotion. xoxo

Do you want to learn more of Woman Unleased but, worried it’s too late to join? Relax. Take a breath. There is still time. Visit www.womanunleashedretreat.com to join in!

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If you are in the northern hemisphere, Monday was the shortest day of the year. The Winter Solstice is the moment on Earth when darkness reaches its peak, just before the return of the light. We are reminded that the old must end in order to begin anew. It is a time of stillness, reflection, re-birth and transformation.

I celebrated by beginning the Woman Unleashed online retreat, a free event, with Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici to help me awaken my power, passion and purpose for 2016. Visit www.womanunleashedretreat.com to learn more.

One of my desires this coming year is to truly pause and celebrate the changing of seasons. Being a desert dweller our season changes are subtle and the days flow into months without realizing how much time as passed. I’d like to fully honor the season changes with a small ritual.

Here are a few ways to celebrate the Winter Solstice:

• Spend time with loved ones with a feast representing the season.
• Light a candle. Reflect on your aspirations for the coming months.
• Visit a place outdoors that’s special to you. Consider watching the sun rise or set from your little patch of the world.
• Hold a fire ceremony. Write what you’d like to release and throw the paper into the fire as a symbol of letting go.
• Reflect the stillness of the day by cultivating stillness in yourself. Consider a meditation or hour of silence.
• Build a shrine (or mandala) of nature’s found objects.
• Give to others by donating food or clothing to those less fortunate.

As you light the fire and candles for your celebration, do so with the intention of bringing more light into the world.

How about you? How do you celebrate the changing of the seasons?

Monthly yoga art desktop calendar from Eliza Lynn Tobin.

This July, I started a practice of “morning pages” or in my case, “afternoon pages” and “evening pages” too since doing anything at a specific time or even on a daily basis seems to be a mental block for me. My inner rebel against conformity, maybe? Anyhoo, the idea is to journal 3 pages long hand in the morning everyday. Letting whatever needs to flow onto the pages. House cleaning for your mind and soul. This concept was created by author and creativity guru Julia Cameron in her wildly popular book “The Artists Way”. True to my nature, I have not been consistent with doing this everyday but, I am trying to keep up with it even if I have stretches between entries.

The writing is done as a stream of consciousness and because of this it has helped me work through challenges, calm anxieties, see hidden pockets of gratitude and been a catalyst for “a-ha” moments. One crucial point is that these writings are private. Julia Cameron goes so far as to say if you need to burn the journal afterwards so be it. Having disposed of an entire journal of deep writing once before, I can tell you it’s a liberating experience to let that all go.

Earlier this week my frustration with how I felt and my unhealthy eating habits finally came to a tipping point. I have my morning pages to thank for finally taking a step this week to remove flour/gluten from my diet for the ten thousandth time. After a particularly glutenous weekend I felt awful and after putting down on paper just how awful I felt, I realized how silly I was being. Each time I remove flour/gluten from my diet I feel instantly better. This week was no exception. I went from ranting that I have no energy, my joints ache, my eyes blurred, my mind was foggy and I had a looming feeling of despair to waking up refreshed, energized throughout the day and feeling motivated and positive in a super short period of time. I think it’s one part intention to take care of me and one part actually doing it that has me feeling good again. I have to honor my body and listen to what it is clearly telling me to doesn’t want instead of allowing the instant gratification of a pastry or the ease of making a sandwich cloud my judgment.

Do you have a writing practice? I admit I’m inconsistent but, that aside it is a wonderful way to check in with yourself and see what kinds of feelings and thoughts are swirling around in your head. The idea to just write whatever pops up in the moment has really helped me to tap into those areas that I tend to close off and ignore. I encourage you to give it a try.

This was over a month ago (kinda tells you how fast my August has flown by) but, I didn’t want to let sharing about my experience of July’s third Friday artwalk go. It was such a great date with myself. I had plans to go with a friend and our kids, that fell through so I was going to go with just my kids but, Bert ended up being home from work early and the kids didn’t want to go with me. I was a little sad at first and thought for a second I would skip it however, I really wanted to the see the She Deck exhibit before it closed. Not seeing it would have been a big bummer so, I decided to go on my own. It was an awesome time. I forget that I like being in my own company. I like to move at my own pace and wander. I like lingering when it feels good. Couple that with my love for viewing and experiencing art and that makes for a perfect date. I spoke to a few artists and a gallery owner while there which I wouldn’t have done if I had company with me. It was a great reminder to go out, even if no one wants to go out with me and maybe especially if no one wants to go out with me.

Pieces by women artists will abound along Grand Avenue on Third Friday, as {9} The Gallery also presents a “Summer Solstice” exhibition, plus a “She Deck” exhibition of skateboard decks, at the Frontal Lobe Gallery at Bragg’s Pie Factory.

Top: Exhibit at {9) Gallery, Artist Brenda Edwards

Middle: Mural on the side of {9} Gallery, Artist Amanda Adkins

Bottom: Summer Solstice Exhibit at Frontal Lobe Gallery, Artists Lisa Von Hoffer and Lauren Lee

 She Deck Exhibit at Frontal Lobe Gallery featuring over 50 female artists showing their skateboard deck creations.

I happen to have my art on exhibit at the Fair Trade Cafe during third Friday also. I was blessed to sell two artworks during my time being featured! Heartfelt thank you to Fair Trade Cafe and those who enjoyed and purchased my art.

I have been struggling to find a rug for a couple years now. Since I regularly change the artwork hanging in our living room, I felt like keeping it neutral would be best. However, as a family with two boys and a dog I have come to accept that a light beige rug is not the right fit for us. After two failed attempts at trying a light colored rug only to have it destroyed shortly after bringing it home, I decided I needed to change it up and add a pop of color. We checked out a clearance section of the furniture warehouse and ended up with this bold beauty! (Rug modeled by Hudson, he loves how soft it is).

We took it home and right away I knew a DIY project in store for me. Our weathered coffee table was no longer a match and had seen netter days so, it was time for a facelift. (Below Ethan and Hudson are modeling the new rug with our current coffee table, notice Hudson is once again laying on it because it’s so soft and Ethan was told to please remove his shoes right after I snapped the picture, haha)

The sanding begins, and continues, and goes on some more. I had envisioned a natural wood top with white sides and natural drawers. Well this table top was stubborn and the previous two layers of paint just would not fully come off. After about 4-5 hours of sanding in the hot summer heat I threw in the towel and decided to paint the entire table white leaving just the drawers natural.

I was pretty unsure about a white coffee table. But the results turned beautifully! The new white table and bold rug transformed the whole feel of the room. It is now so much brighter, more lively and I love it so much. We keep the lights low and the window blinds barely open so, this room could be quite dark before. On a side note, this table has been in our home for about 14 years! It started out all natural, then blue/green, then white top and green sides and now white! One of the many reasons I love wood furniture is that it can be transformed again and again. I think the simple updates made a huge difference. Total cost for the rug and paint for this transformation was just $120. Now, I’m thinking I need a few more new pillows! So, what do you think?

Artist creations: Silhouette Pillow of my kids made custom by Desert Baby, Dreamcatcher by Rachael Rice Art, Beach art pillow and Fireflies art pillow available in my Etsy shop, Phoenix painting by me.

I’m answering 3 creative questions today!

1. What have I been working on?

oh, a variety of things!

my sketchbook: I have been trying to work in my sketchbook more. I have had the one shown above since 2010 and it’s still not finished. I know that the practice is good for my soul and my art so, I’m challenging myself to work on it more often. After all these years I finally gave the cover a little art love.

wedding invitations: I wrapped up a luscious purple wedding invitation suite that I had been working on with a sweet couple for a few months.

new flower art: The most exhilarating project has been the process of working on three flower still life’s and then completely painting over them in a style that is more reflective of me and my work. It was an amazingly freeing process and one that reminded me to “paint like you“. I plan to photograph them this weekend.

custom kids art: I am in the beginning stages on a few custom art pieces that will hang in the bedrooms of two little boys.

2. Why do I create what I do?

I started years ago with the desire to share the creative things I was doing in my life with the world and to sell my creations. Though I still do that, my goal has changed. My journey to becoming an artist has had numerous starts and stops. My dream is paint and be a self sufficient artist supporting my family from my creative work. I do this to share myself through art, create custom pieces for important moments in one’s life and to bring joy to the lives and sacred spaces of those that collect my art.

3. How does my creative process work?

I begin by choosing a subject I’d like to work with and gathering bits of inspiration. I may make a vision board and collect things that inspire me, I may sketch ideas, I may take pictures but, many times I just start painting and see where it leads. If I’m working on a custom piece I tend to sketch more and draw on the canvas before starting however, if I’m working on my own art, I’m much freer and enjoy letting the art unfold. I usually start with a general idea and layout in mind but, let myself get lost in creation and explore.

When artistic opportunities arise at my kids’ schools I try my best to make the time to help. It’s not always easy but, it is always worth it. It’s a way I can be involved while doing something I love to do – win/win!

Here are two art projects that came up this year that I was happy to help with.

Hudson’s class worked on a collaborative art project to auction off at the school’s annual fundraiser. I was delighted to help the class with their creation. I brought in few options and the class voted on which idea they liked best. Then, I went into class a few times to assist the kids in painting the background and patterns for the piece. We also decided to include their classroom character traits so, you’ll see words like Honest, Respectful, Appreciative sprinkled throughout. Then I took all the painted sticks home, arranged them and framed them. I really love the end result – the kids did an amazing job!

Ethan’s school athletic day was centered around the Greek Olympic games and the P.E. instructor had the idea to create shields for the teams. They traced Greek symbols onto the shields and me and few other parents painted them for the event. I also helped out during field day by scoring the shot put event and got to see the opening and closing ceremonies with all the shields displayed! Such a fun day.

Spring has surely sprung here in the desert. I took some time to look and enjoy the plants and flowers blooming in our backyard. Today we have much to celebrate, there will be a solar eclipse and supermoon as well as Spring Equinox! The equinox has long been celebrated as a time of beginning and renewal. I am feeling it and hope you are too.